I should actually probably title this the first day of everything.
There are moms that I've known online since June of 2006, when we all shared our baby experiences on a social networking site. We formed loose friendships and support groups and shared the stories and photos that marked our children's milestones—rolling over, first steps, first words. Now that we've reached the fall of their fifth year my facebook homepage is dotted with the pictures of their first days of kindergarten, and messages with their mom's pride and tear-filled announcements of this next step in life. This is a fun thing to witness, even knowing that, our own path being different, this is one milestone in which we won't be taking part. There will be no parting, either tearful or smiling, no last minute shopping, no nerve wracking adieu at the bus stop, or waiting on bated breath for its return. There will be no photo taken by the front door, or outside the school.
But if I was to choose a picture to commemorate this time, I think it would look something like this:
Can you find Calvin? I can't either, but I know he's there, and I caught glimpses of him often enough to keep worry at bay, tearing through the play structure with a multitude of other kids, while I sat at the picnic tables and chatted with their parents. They were homeschooling families, and they will make up some of our learning cohort through the years. We had gone to the park to meet them today, having heard great things about their group, and were immediately welcomed and instantly felt at home. Calvin had a great time with the kids, of all ages, and I feel that my balance has tipped back towards the confident side after spending some time talking with all those parents who have gone through, or are going through, exactly the tangles I'm trying to work out now. We'd arrived nervous and excited, we came home happy and exhausted. If we could mark any day as resembling a first day of school, I guess this would have been it, and I'm so glad we shared it together.