Day 94 in 2020 (isolation day 20)

Some days are easier than others. Yesterday our governor extended our school closure, originially intended to end this coming week, to include the remainder of the school year. This school year, then, is over. No more eighth grade public school for Calvin. No rising up ceremony, no final middle school band concert.

There are pros and cons to this for us. Being homeschooled, Calvin's public school afternoons were more like a social hour for him—they had everything to do with his personal and emotional growth and little to add to his intellectual education. With that interruption removed from our day we have all kinds of extra time to spend on learning or broader enrichment. That's fantastic! I've missed spending whole days devoted to our own brand of learning, or having fun. And he is still cultivating the many relationships he developed at school through texting and chat.

The cons, of course, are the oh-so-many losses, and it's whenever I'm reminded of those that I have a bad moment, or a bad day. I find that I cannot drive somewhere by myself, or with just the dog, that is, without erupting in tears eventually. Before Corona, or B.C., Calvin and I spent a lot of time in the car together traveling from one practice to another or back again, visiting, discussing the music on the radio, or school, or practices, or rehearsals. Car rides were a special time, a very important time for our relationship. Now when I'm driving alone and listening to the same music I am struck deeply by the grief at losing not just that time together, but the events that time was leading up to, the dance competitions, the choir concerts, the eighth grade band performance. And while the music plucks at my heart strings, all the emotions bring cascading tears. Those are some of my hardest times.

But there are so many wonderful times, too, in all this, and I am trying to focus on those. If I really think about it I no longer need those car rides for connection because we have so much more family time now. And all of Calvin's groups, from choir to dance to bassoon, have found ways to connect and help Calvin continue his growth and development from home. And no matter what, all kids his age are going through the same thing right now, so there's a level of togetherness coming from this that will exist for many years to come. 

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.